Why Are People Drawn to High School Reunions

by Doug Fisher (Class of 73)

In light of the announcement that there will be an ‘all years’ reunion at Chambly County (now known as St. Lambert International) my mind has turned to high school reunions in general and particularly what makes them special to us. If you haven’t experienced one previously, I really hope you do, and sooner, rather than later. Next year is a short trip around the sun away!

The fact that I like reunions may be surprising to some as I am not especially sociable; I prefer reading a book to going to a party and now would rather enjoy a sunrise on a mountain trail or a sunset on a rocky shore, than being in a crowded party room on a Friday or Saturday night. But actually, I have relished each CCHS reunion that I have attended over the last 20 years.

Some question the rationale for high school reunions as they have few positive feelings about their school years and/or the people who were there with them. I can respect their position and their very valid reasons for such feelings. I’ve learned that the world outside my simple home, was not always loving, fair, or just, or even peaceful. Contrary to my younger, naive beliefs, our community was not much different from any other similar sized city or town. There were sinners and saints, heroes and zeros, givers and takers, studs and duds, gifted talents and ne’er do wells, do gooders and do nothings, beauties and beasts, peacemakers and hell raisers, even philanderers, abusers, grifters, scammers, and every positive and negative flavour of humanity conceivable. Unlike the mythical Lake Wobegon of Garrison Keillor’s Prairie Home Companion, not all the women were strong nor all the men good looking, and the children were not all above average. We just didn’t know it.

Reunions allow us to reconnect nonetheless, at a different time and state of mind and reunions present us with an opportunity to explore our past and that of others, to examine long forgotten or suppressed memories and emotions and to share and compare our perceptions and realities with others with whom we have a shared experience. As strange as it seems, reunions are great learning opportunities and not just jovial, jocular, jubilant, joyous get-togethers. Although they are all that, too! I’ve laughed and cried, smiled and scowled, and mostly felt a pure and simple peaceful connectedness with people I had not seen or spoken with in decades, and even with those I see more often. It is kind of amazing that the bonds formed during our high school days have lasted far longer than we ever imagined.

The common tropes about reunions, as shown in film, have not been my experience. While I am sure some people fret about what to wear or about a few more pounds acquired over the years or wrinkles and grey hair (or no hair) and a few go all out and get ‘dandied up’, that is not my experience and is grossly overstated. The vast majority just seem to come as they are: neat, clean, but comfortable and casual. The days of ‘bib and tucker’, and fancy gowns apparently have been left behind and these affairs are far less formal than in the past. Those markers of status and power are not required among friends. Save them for the board room, the court room, or awards ceremonies. It’s your presence that matters, not your Sunday go to meeting clothes.

Most people though, and that is fortunate, (and a reflection on our teachers and support networks and our families) have fond recollections and memories of those formative years. Through reunions, we get to reawaken memories and reconnect with old friends. The ‘why’ reunions allow this to happen is a question that has no single answer. To be frank, it’s complicated.

I will try to break it down, obviously from my perspective (insert Trigger warning), albeit as jaded and privileged as it might be, framed by my male, white, able, Anglo-Saxon, heterosexual, suburban, middle-class upbringing. Don’t expect an apology here, I had nothing to do with those aspects, I was born into it. But I acknowledge my blessings and all they bestowed upon me, and those like me, and I acknowledge (and now better understand) that others were not as fortunate and had to face struggles we never did. For those folks, I am sorry. I wish it would have been different. Thus maybe, it’s not surprising that I liked high school, and I liked growing up where and when we did. We were lucky and truly blessed, even if we did not know it then, or understood it. CCHS was not new, modern or flashy. Other schools had better facilities and resources, and bigger more diverse student bodies. But that didn’t matter to us back then and CCHS produced more than its share of successes, no matter how you define success. So reunions provide the opportunity to go back and speak with some of the teachers who played such a key role in our lives, and that seems right to me.

Another reason to return might be to see how my friends/classmates have fared and to revel in their achievements...of course some might see that as a reason not to attend, as they do not want to, or perhaps can’t enjoy others’ success.

But even then, reconnecting might be helpful as it can open doors otherwise closed or offer hope when it might be welcomed. Reunions thrive on and naturally facilitate face to face human connection, something that technology can not presently replace. Even simple human interactions can be therapeutic for some. Reunions allow us to build on past acquaintances, relive both great and not so great experiences, to share thoughts and memories to support and share, and even forge new friendships! It is hard to argue that those are not good for your soul.

For some, reunions are an opportunity to network, to make new connections with people one may not have known well or hung around with. Our CCHS reunions are ‘all years’ and thus present an amazing opportunity to interact with people from earlier years and later years as well. In high school, our social groups were limited to people in our class or perhaps one year on either side. But as we age, friends of our siblings, and sibs of our friends, are all game, for catching up and even for making new friends from old acquaintances. I was amazed at how connected we all are, but do not know it.

But you saw them, maybe even interacted with them daily for 4 years in high school or, in some cases, for all 12 years of school. It turns out that many of those acquaintances turned out to be really interesting, cool, friendly and fascinating, and maybe you should have or could have been closer friends back then if we hadn’t been consumed with our own spheres, and interests, full of our teenaged angst or vanity.

Reunions give you a chance to find out about them, from them because you most certainly have a great deal in common with them already! Conversations are surprisingly easy with people you knew decades ago. It is interesting, indeed enriching, to just chat and discover how similar and different our lives have been. I now can say that I consider some of my former acquaintances, friends. Not give up a kidney, take a bullet for friends, but definitely closer than acquaintances.

But of all the reasons to go to a reunion, for me, it is to see my friends. You see, true friends are as rare as precious gems, but they are actually more valuable. They are as enduring as diamonds which neither time nor distance diminishes the light they bring to our lives. It may have been decades, but when you see a true friend, their face glows, as does yours, and you just know. It’s as if nothing has changed. It’s as if you have emerged from a Time Machine that has transported you back through time and space, to a simpler, less complex reality, that you both shared.

In my case, some friendships were challenged, challenges that were driven by politics. Our little world changed rapidly after we graduated. There was great Anglo diaspora after the election of the Parti Quebecois in 1976, whose anti-English, anti-business, and pro labour laws resulted in hundreds of thousands of jobs moving down the 401 along with hundreds of head offices. It’s an understatement to say it had an impact on our CCHS family. I believe that from 1976 to 1985 a vast majority of our classmates moved away, for university, never to return, or with their parents’ jobs or to seek a more welcoming environment to build their own careers. Reunions give them an excuse to come back. Reunions allow us the pretext to plan and reorganize our schedules, to ensure we can take time to be with our friends, and it makes it easier to see multiple friends over a weekend in a true homecoming atmosphere.

From the moment you walk through the front doors, you are confronted with a sense of familiarity and even a quiet comfort. If you didn’t see them walking along Green Street, as soon as you are inside, you see familiar faces, dozens of them. Among them are acquaintances, but almost immediately you see friends! It’s quite the moment, your hippocampus and amygdala light up your brain, dopamine surges, followed by serotonin, and you get hit with strong positive emotions as hundreds of memories come flooding back to you instantaneously. That’s the power of friendship. And it’s good for you! And the party is just getting started!

At the last one, I saw many acquaintances, several closer acquaintances, friends of my brothers, several of my close friends, and true life-long friends and even few surprise true friends that I never expected to see. It was a wonderful weekend, and I can’t wait to do it again! You see, at this stage of my life, reunions are the only time we get together, given the demands of jobs, life, family, and even distances. But, if only for a short while, those constraints vanish. Aside from not enough time, all is right and laughs come easily. I don’t want to get maudlin, but we all have an expiration date, we just cannot read it. It would be a shame to miss an opportunity to see friends because inevitably we will not have another opportunity.

To wrap things up, I’d love to hear your thoughts. If you think I’m just a nostalgic old dreamer, or if you agree in part or in whole with my take, let me know.